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Dawkins is a ‘numpty’ says omniscient being: A Halo! Exclusive

‘I just don’t believe in Richard Dawkins,’ says God in a recent sensational interview published in Halo! 

 God, an all powerful deity and self-proclaimed supreme ruler of the Universe, told a reporter in a vision yesterday that He just wasn't convinced by Richard Dawkins, even going so far as to label the Oxford-educated philosopher a ‘bit of a numpty’.
“You compare the lad Dawkins with the big boys, your Nietzsches or even on a good day, your Kierkegaards and he’s only a clogger, a journeyman atheist,” says God in a frank and exclusive interview with Reggie Cakebread. “Those lads were real nihilists, masters of the abyss game; they even had Me questioning My own existence. Just as well ‘the man downstairs’ picked up their post-mortem contracts,” confided the omniscient being.
Dawkins, widely and inexplicably believed to be very clever (and proof according to God, that ‘intellectually speaking, you really can polish a turd’), has become a household name with his easily-accessible brand of teenage-shocker atheism. 
God: 'Dawkins, you're s**t, 
and you know you are!
The Man Upstairs, sees it differently, according to the Cakebread interview and even calls Dawkins a ‘rubbish atheist’ who'd made a career out of claiming to prove the unknowable.
The intrepid interviewer (a long-time tabloid hack and born-again recovering PCP-user) confessed to being terrified when first he was visited by the tongues of celestial flame at three o’clock one morning in the middle of an angel-dust and 'Razzle' episode but was determined not to let that get in way of the story.
Reggie Cakebread: could
divine scoop make him
the new Piers Morgan?
“It started out as a nice soft interview, a bit of a catch-up, who’s Your favourite on X-Factor and Strictly Come Dancing, that kind of thing, but very quickly, it became a bitching session," reveals Cakebread.
"He did go on a bit about loving your fellow man; ending capitalism and the rest of that other touchy-feely, lefty-liberal stuff," recalls Reggie. 

"But I noticed that he kept coming back to his Book, saying all the answers were in it; so then I knew right away he was hoping for a plug with the Christmas punters. And that's when I started looking for something a bit more in-depth; in this game, it’s all give and take innit?” says Cakebread.
“When I mentioned the name Dawkins, well, the atmosphere changed,” Cakebread describes dramatically. “Then He just goes into one, talking about how He doesn’t believe in him; how he’s just not convincing. ‘He’s barely a figment of My imagination’, that kind of stuff. “
Cakebread apparently then asked Him, ‘well why don’t You just 'off' Dawkins if You’re so powerful?’
Dawkins: figment of God's imagination? 

The last word goes to God: “Why would I do that? He’s only a publicity-hungry crank, the Ian Paisley of Atheism; as long as he's around, the future of organised religion is assured,” laughed the supreme divinity dismissively before being called away to appear on the gable end of a church.
(Mr Cakebread continues to recover at the Bedlam hospital for the Perenially Bewildered and his Fleet Street editor continues to publish his copy.)
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