Poor Police performance to be enhanced with Viagra

What a tiny truncheon...

Social and sexual inadequates (who form the majority of the Police force in Britmanistan) are to be issued with performance-enhancing drugs; particularly in undercover units and those working on close protection for politicians, TRWS has learned.

Abysmal performance and chronic under-endowment has long been a problem for the police force of Britmanistan (a small corrupt Kingdom on the European periphery). It appears that under the covers, undercover officers have been consistently coming up short.

“I signed up for undercover work because I knew that it was the only way I would ever get my short stubby little end away,” admitted one police man. “But of course, the deep-seated psychological flaws in my personality that made me want to be a policeman in the first place meant that even if I did convince women with bad eyesight and low self-esteem to sleep with me, it was bit like trying to play snooker with a piece of rope. But now, thanks to the taxpayer, I’ve got a horse’s handbrake in my pants and pack of lies with which to fool women.

“I only gave him information because I felt sorry for him,” said one woman from an organisation infiltrated by an undercover officer. “He was hung like a mouse and the best thing I can say is that at least it was over quickly. Of course, I should have known right there and then that he was Old Bill,” she added.

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